Being Gay

I don't really know where I'm going with this post so bear with me, haha. I just want to help people understand better what it's really like to be gay, in the societal sense (because being gay is easy to describe: guys are beautiful and so are girls but I don't want to date girls). I've found that people who are homophobic are those who don't actually know any gay people. They don't exactly understand that gay people are people too and their lives aren't really all that different from straight people's. In fact, I myself was quite homophobic until I became friends with people in the LGBTQ community. Kinda weird, but hey, I hated my feelings towards guys back then. A lot. So I guess I would naturally reject members of a community that I truly was a part of, one that I didn't want to associate with.

Being gay means I've had to question my sexuality. I've had to wonder why I was attracted to guys. I've had to spend days terrified of my nature. I've walked out of movies and theatre events and felt awful because I happened to be attracted to some guy in the cast. As I've figured myself out, the golden idea of who I was, who I was going to be, who I was going to marry...it began to darken.

Being gay means that I face violent oppression. A heterosexual couple can walk around in public holding hands without a care in the world. On the flip side, if I were to walk around in public with a boyfriend and hold hands with him, we could literally be attacked.

Being gay means I am not truly accepted by the majority of my own faith community. I haven't faced actual rejection to my face for my sexuality, but I have for my other liberal views. I have no doubt that the hate mail will come. I have been gossiped about behind my back. I have been told that I have lost support even before I was able to say what I planned to do with being gay. I am told time and time again by people that they just can't support my "lifestyle" (whatever that means). To be honest, when I am told the "love the sinner, hate the sin" rhetoric, I feel invalidated.

Being gay means that I am part of a community that is illegal in multiple countries.

Being gay means that I feel afraid being in public and being open and out.

Now that was a lot of negative stuff, eh? Now that I've established all of that, I'm going to throw out a few positive things about being gay.

Being gay means I get to appreciate the beautiful males in this world. I mean, Darren Criss, anyone (yeahhh, he's sorta on my iPod lock screen)?

Being gay means I am not completely privileged. I fall under all the other forms of privilege (white, male, not-poor, Christian), but the fact that I'm not straight means that I understand what it's like to be oppressed. And even though it hurts, I see that as an incredible blessing.

Being gay means I'm human. It means that I am an individual, someone who is complex and full of life. I may not be the societal norm but I'm still my own person. Being gay means I can accept that and move forward.

Being gay means that I can be a part of a movement. The LGBTQ community is vastly underrepresented in the media, and often when they are in it, they are caricatured. LGBTQ people do not have all the rights straight people do--it is still legal in multiple states to fire people for not being straight. Only 16 of the 50 states allow legal marriage for those in same-sex relationships. Teenagers commit suicide daily because of who they are. Because of all these things, I am never going to stop working to improve equality until we somehow achieve that.

Being gay means that I can be that gay person someone meets and learns how gay people are, well, normal people.

And that's what being gay means to me! It's much easier to talk about the negatives, so I think I should start to try and find more positives in my life regarding my sexuality. It's a tough road I'm on, but it's definitely worth it.