Coming Out

The process to making this post has been long, painful, but worth it. I do not approach this subject lightly, as it is an integral part of myself and my belief system. I have faced some serious emotional difficulties in my life because of this, and I feel like this is finally the right time to be honest and submit my experiences and feelings and true identity for the world to see.

I, Andrew Ransom, am a gay man.

What does that mean? It means that I am sexually attracted to men and not sexually attracted to women. That is what it honestly boils down to. It does not mean that I “struggle” with “same-sex attraction.” It means that I am definitely attracted to men and I desire to have romantic companionship with one someday.

Now, I know some of you may be a bit confused. A few months ago, I posted a different coming-out blog post on this blog, saying that I was bisexual. The last weeks I have done an incredible amount of introspection and gone through an incredible amount of pain and come to the conclusion that I am, in fact, gay. And I am okay with that.

I first realized that I was attracted to guys years ago when I found myself attracted to a particular contestant on the TV show Survivor. And that terrified me. I went through years of hating myself, hating my attractions, desperate that one day they would go away. I went through a watered down version of reparative therapy. I had crushes on multiple guys in high school and literally did not realize that until a few weeks ago. And these crushes were very different from the crushes I had towards girls. I never, ever had problems talking to girls and it just didn’t make sense to me how some guys could be so afraid of them. On the flip side, I would have crushes on guys where I would desperately want to meet them and become friends with them and even though I had feelings for them my brain twisted it so I could handle that idea.

It took a long, long time to accept my feelings. I used to attend plays or watch movies and leave feeling really depressed because I had been attracted to this or that male actor. I used to be very homophobic, afraid of the very thing I was. I did not end that homophobia until I actually became friends with people who fell into the LGBTQ spectrum. I eventually got to a point where I literally saw myself as a straight guy who just happened to be attracted to guys too (hey, it worked in my head). Then I accepted myself as bisexual. And now I am accepting myself as gay.

As most (or all) of you know, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka, a Mormon). How does that fit? The church has very firm doctrines and teachings that aren’t exactly inclusive of our LGBTQ brothers and sisters. I have been taught my whole life that marriage is between a man and a woman and that gender is this eternal aspect of me. I have come to understand, through a multitude of personal, spiritual experiences, that I am gay and that it is okay for me to be that way. I know that my Heavenly Parents love me for who I am. I know that my sexuality is something I was created with. I do not know why. I do not know where I fit into God’s plan for me. But what I do know is that this is who I am. I do know that my attractions to men are not a defect, not a mistake, not some sort of earthly trial that I have to deal with my whole life, that I can somehow “overcome.” It’s a tough place for me to be, in the church, because at the present I am told that I am supposed to be celibate (the church no longer teaches for people to enter into mixed-orientation marriages, thankfully). And I cannot imagine going my entire life without a companion, a man who would love me and that I would love in return.

I believe that we do not know everything there is to know about homosexuality. I do believe, however, that we will learn more. After all, God “has yet to reveal, many great and important things pertaining to the kingdom of God.” I love my Heavenly Parents. I love the Gospel. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ, and I know that He knows the agonies I have felt the last months. I know that I am created this way and that is okay.

I’m Andrew Ransom.

I’m a writer, a reader, a dreamer, a teacher, an actor, a friend. I love video games, TV, movies, coffee shops, staying up way too late, laughing too hard, giving people meaningful hugs, talking, clothes, art, theatre. I love this beautiful Earth that I was put on.

I’m gay.

And baby, I was born this way.

For a video of me basically reiterating the above, follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HYQZUqudyQ